Who Should You Invite?

Who should get invited to your big party? There isn’t an easy formula or rule of thumb, really. It all depends on personal relationships. A next-door neighbor with whom you share a mutual dislike will probably not get invited, while a pal from high school probably will, though he lives three states away and you haven’t been in touch for some years. You gotta listen to your heart on this one.

However, there are some protocols, too. You can’t just cut out everyone you don’t like; you have to be a little politic about it. For example, if you’re inviting colleagues of a certain type, say just those with whom you have direct contact or just those who work in your department, you gotta ask all who belong to that type. You can’t leave out one or two of them though you hate their guts. If you do that, it’ll be the worst PR move in your life. And, of course, asking your boss is a very good idea, if only because he’s the one who’ll approve your honeymoon vacation!

And remember, if you aren’t asking everyone, then learn to keep your mouth shut, and speak about the occasion only when asked. And when you do speak, keep things vague and lukewarm so that the listener doesn’t get to expect an invitation. Prepare a non-offensive answer beforehand to fend off those who’ll ask directly if they’re invited.

It’s helpful to categorize guests when making the initial lists, for instance ’schoolmates’, ‘colleagues’, ‘cousins’ etc. If and when you need to do tricks with numbers later in the process, you can zap around or delete whole categories, saving time and trouble.

Before doing up your guests list, it’s a very good idea to finally decide on the venue and get to know all there’s to know about it. You can then trim your list according to the place’s maximum capacity, or if they’re charging a very hefty fee per head.

Do you have to invite everyone who ever invited you to their weddings? Certainly not! A casual invitation you accepted some years ago doesn’t automatically oblige you to return the invitation. If you’re no longer in touch with that person, and do not feel an overwhelming urge to include him/her, then just forget it. It’s little use wasting something between $80 and $200 (for that’s the average cost per head at wedding parties) on someone who’s practically a semi-stranger. And it isn’t as if that person particularly expects to be invited.

If you have to pay the caterers in advance for the exact number of guests, it’s often useful to have a back-up list of guests whom won’t mind being asked at the last moment. This way, if you get to find out at the last moment that there are a significant number of fewer people coming than you paid for, you can fill in the gap by pulling the requisite number from the back-up list.

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